In the spirit of Jihad, Lets Raise Rainbow Flags! Halal Homosexuality.

Disclaimer: Jihadi+ Content. This is a real fatwa and it is not April’s fool. Yes, beautiful it is real, Middle East fanatics will cease to surprise you every day.

Today I came across a brilliant video of a Muslim cleric, who clearly supports LCBT rights. The very unique cleric speaks about a special Fatwa which allows homosexuality during the Jihadi trainings. You know a very improved martyrdom method, in which you widen your anus by anal activity exchanged with your fellow Jihadi pals. Hallelujah queers, who wants to join the parade?!

The brilliant Fatwa was issued on Lions of Sunna internet forum, responding to a Jihadi who asked Sheik Abu Dimaa Al-Qassab for an advice regarding committing suicidal operation through this method. The Jihadi said ” They had invented a new form of  suicidal operations – explosive capsules are inserted into your anus. In order to train for this method of Jihad, you must engage in anal activity  for a period of time, in order to widen your anus to insert the capsules, my question is whether I should allow the Jihadis to f**** me for training purposes”

The extraordinary Sheik braised allah and said “In principle, sodomy is forbidden. However, Jihad is more important. It is the pinnacle of Islam. If sodomy is the only way to reach this pinnacle of Islam, then there is no harm in it. Following the rule of “necessity makes the forbidden permissible”. Therefore, you must be sodomized… Afterwards, you must ask Allah for forgiveness. Know, my son, that Allah resurrects Jihadis on Judgment Day on the basis of their intentions. Allah willing, your intention is to support Islam. May Allah include you among those who heed His call.” Accordingly and in the spirit of Jihad, and highlighting that necessity makes the forbidden permissible, I invented a list of the things we can do following the former rules (To be confirmed after fatwa from the fabulous, the one and only Abu Dimaa Al-Qassab)

  1. Halal Sex – We should be allowed to sleep with foreigners without marriage in order to monitor information about the western infidels, more importantly, to seduce them enough to join Islam. It is a (win – win) situation.
  2. Halal Bisexuality – We should be engaged in threesome activities with western infidels for monitoring and spying purposes.
  3. Halal Orgy – Orgy activities should also be allowed in terms of greater monitoring, sucking… energy of the infidels, consuming their physique..
  4. Halal Homosexuality – Gay activities should be allowed, not only with fellow Jihadis but also western infidels, but maybe this time we can use more TOP Jihadis to widen the infidels anus and shove explosives in their ass!
  5. Halal Dancing – You know belly dancing is exotic, in addition to we can add cameras and whatever monitoring equipments we might have, to the belly dancing outfit 😉
  6. Halal Alcohol – Yeah babe! I mean it’s known that Beer after Whiskey is risky – Tequila after Beer is Queer and Beer before Wine is fine 😉 So Let’s get the western infidels drunk and recruit them to our end. Unfortunately, they won’t enjoy drinking unless we have a couple of drinks, I won’t mix alcohol I promise. I am very well trained to avoid hangovers.

The list goes on and on but I included the stuff that are forbidden from us Arabs just because we are not engaged in a Jihadi tribe, but come on! Everyone can do Jihad in their own way. For example, my Jihad is mocking your bullshit, exposing your sexual suppression.

Why so serious dude? Why would you excuse being gay for Jihad and use everyone’s asses for this concern, just come out of the closet and you will find those who supports your right to fuck or be fucked!!!

One final question: I wonder if Jihadi men went to heaven and meet the 70 virgins, will they enjoy sex with them, or they will request toys and stuff, you know strap-ons. Link to original article and video:

Charlie Hebdo
Charlie Hebdo

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