Haven’t been able to write for quite sometime, here I am trying to make the conflict in my mind sound coherent. Due to unfortunate sequence of unrelated irrelevant events, my mind, body and soul transferred into a numb state. I can never guarantee happiness or satisfaction out of my continuous efforts to write-photograph- paint as if my body is revolting against me. To be honest, If I was my body, I would have revolted long time ago. For a borderline like me, I live in a continuous mental roller-coaster; I learnt to accept my eternal struggle and admire the beauty of being super moody. However, with BPD prices and sacrifices are due.
I have always pretended to be quite humble, and I wore a mask of insecurity, regardless, my real insecurities are craved within and one person miles and miles away had deeply understood (which translates my unfinished attachment to a teenage dream)
Frankly, I admire myself and everything I am, for my chaos made me distinct, stubborn and hungry for more knowledge, and through my continuous journey of diving through my existence, with brutal honesty I unintentionally hurt people that join my path momentarily. Quoting from a dear old friend and potential muse (Your honesty scares them off, especially when everyone around is pretending). Ironically, he was shattered with my brutal honesty someday,and I was crowned the queen of pushing away unconditional butterflies.
Last but not least, I am aware of my extreme insanity, narcissism and chaotic existence. Regardless, I am simply a human, why so serious!