Absolute Sweet Contradictions. Confessions II

– Advice from a fellow borderline, struggling daily with her personal contradictions:

          ‘’ When you feel you are losing yourself, and criticism affects; then it’s time to reconsider.’’

As a Borderline personality disorder patient (God bless Google, do not ask me for info) I struggle daily with my personal contradictions, mood swings and much more. When I decided to stop taking medications, I knew that it is not going to be easy. However, the bright side is mere CREATIVITY yes we are more flawed yet blessed with many talents.

             ‘’ Insanity is blessed with creativity’’

Since the past and recent centuries do not make sense, and the world adopts savage techniques everyday enhanced in the ’’protection laws’Please give me a damn break. The world is not beautiful and life became unbearable. When you decide to live for yourself and abandon put’ting yourself in people’s shoes then according to the lost human equation you=animals.

(Famines, poverty, unjustified wars, rape, domestic violence, child abuse, terrorism etc.) When you ignore thinking about these inhumane disasters that happens constantly, and you become a robot controlled by elites who are building modern savage communities ON PURPOSE. Eventually, you will adopt filthy methods that will be added to your habits (Apathy, gossip, hypocrisy, bullying etc.) if these pandemics became habits then life is not rainbows and butterflies, nothing makes sense and getting irritated from what we call life is completely reasonable.

‘’living only for yourself is absolute failure’’

The only proportion of people who should be excluded are those who suffer daily from our apathy. Those who sleep on boulevards while we are working for elites to increase their bank accounts, civilians who martyr daily out of violence which is mostly implemented by terrorists that are driven by ignorance, and directed by leaders who benefit. Soldiers who join the military driven by patriotic speeches thinking they fight for a cause, and end up dying in battle fields, forgotten in history while the so-called leaders lay back comfortably and gain authority which equals money and power, revolutionaries who fight for your rights while you are consciously delivering your country to another tyrant.

The reason I have just mentioned the previous incredible daily disasters is simply because when today’s society consider me: eccentric, insane, ugly unbeliever, psychotic or a whore justifying her bold attitude; I end up with one conclusion:

‘’ Today insanity was sanity at the past, and insanity is mere sanity in the modern world dictionary’’

My flaws are momentarily unbearable, my contradictions confuse people, my defensive attitude comes out of egoism; and sometimes it is hard to understand me. I am completely unpredictable BUT I am not hypocrite, I am somehow naïve, I am harmless even if my anger is urging me for revenge. I am not envious, and sometimes during my daily struggle I wish I was hypocrite liar, envious and evil because life would be much easier and predictable; then suddenly it hits me:

‘’My personal flaws can be improved-or at least explained. Nevertheless, Apathy and inhumanity are irreversible. Because, once you exchange yourself with machine heart, your humane traits will vanish and will be merely forgotten.’’  

Finally yet importantly the world might have become a gloomy place, life irritates me daily-but as long as I am living I will seek solutions and fight apathy.


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